BitterSweet
by Anushka
Summary: Nick and Sara have changed. How much will this affect their relationship when they meet each other again. NS pairing.


**Disclaimer**: Not mine, never has been, never will be.

**A/N**: This is my Christmas present to all the Snickers out there. Also want to say that this one isn't Grissom friendly, but my stories rarely are and I'm not doing it on purpose, not always anyway. I just need someone to be the bad guy and the Grissom character is perfect for that role.

**Pairing**: N/S

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**BitterSweet**

He wasn't sure what he was doing here, attending a forensics conference during the Christmas holidays, but then again it wasn't like he had something better to do. Since he left the Las Vegas crime lab he hadn't gone home during the holiday season. He just couldn't keep up the facade. The disappointment was etched on each of the faces of his family members and him leaving the Las Vegas crime lab would have only added to that disappointment. He just didn't want to witness it, it was enough knowing about it.

When the night shift was split up he silently thanked Ecklie. This was his way out. This was his opportunity to escape the ever disapproving stare of his substitute father who had turned out to be so similar to his biological one. Leaving the night shift had been one step into the direction of leaving the Las Vegas lab. After a year slowly planning his departure, he silently left not telling anyone except the ones involved in approving his leave.

He slowly entered the conference center gaze turned to the floor hoping no one who vaguely knew him would notice him. He didn't feel like making pointless conversation with people who thought they were interesting enough to tell him about their latest achievements.

He hadn't studied the conference schedule, but he knew from prior experiences there would be an opening lecture from some important professor who never set a foot out in the field but still called himself an expert in forensics. The lecture would give him a good opportunity to catch up on some much needed sleep, so he followed the other conference goers to the conference room. Taking a seat in a far corner in the back, he shifted himself in a comfortable position. Just when he was about to drift off, he heard the chairman introduce the lecturer. When he heard supervisor night shift Las Vegas Crime lab, his body involuntarily tensed. He had to get out of here before it was too late.

It was too late.

He was kindly asked to sit down by a member of conference staff. There was nothing he could do now, but turn around, sit down and try to tune out the voice belonging to the biggest reason he left Las Vegas.

Nothing could have prepared him for the sight his eyes met when he turned around. There she was wearing her trade mark concentrated look on her face. He noticed the shock going through her body when their eyes met. He wasn't sure how long he stood there frozen to the ground staring at her familiar face until he was asked to sit down once again.

Contrary to his state of mind she had started her giving her lecture with a coolness which could be expected from her, her voice not faltering, not even a millisecond. If he didn't know her better he would have thought seeing him didn't affect her, but it was the almost robot-like way she was going through her sheets which gave her away. It gave him a strange satisfaction he could do this to her.

Leaving Las Vegas had been a good choice for him and he didn't really miss any of his co-workers. He compared his relationship with each of them to the hairs and fibers he analyzed. Strong and flexible, but also prone to attrition. His relationship with her had proved stronger than with any of the others. This surprised him, because she had worked so hard to stay detached from everyone at the lab and still she was the one who would pop up in his mind from time to time. A voice similar to hers, the faint smell of the perfume she used to wear on someone passing by on the streets or just hearing her name would make him think about her for days on end until he managed to push back the torturing memories.

He never understood how she could live her life the way she did. Grissom's behavior towards her was even worse than towards him, but she stayed. Loyally she waited for something he knew Grissom would never give her. This had added to his dislike for Grissom. For years he had left her hanging and what bothered him most was that Grissom didn't seem to notice how she was slowly losing herself. If he had any regrets it must have been leaving her there in the vicinity of the person who could destroy her so easily, but he had carefully weighed the pros against the cons and made the best choice for himself. It was nothing like him to put himself in front of anyone else, but he too had slowly lost his true self. He wasn't sure he had ever managed to find himself back ever since.

Seeing her here was a surprise and not an unwelcome one. Her working during the Christmas holidays didn't surprise him at all. Some things just didn't change.

He saw her glancing in his direction multiple times. He didn't bother to look away. He was mesmerized by her appearance. She hadn't changed that much except for her hair, which was much longer than he remembered. Gravity stretching out her curls into long waves. He liked it.

Before he realized it and without hearing a single word she had said the lecture had finished. A large group of people quickly surrounded her. He figured this wasn't the right time to go up to rekindle their friendship. Truthfully, he wasn't sure what he would say to her. He needed some time. A wry smile appeared on his face. You would think the two years gone by without seeing her would have given him ample time to figure out what to say to her, he thought while leaving the conference room but not without turning back one last time to catch a glimpse of her.

He had locked himself in his comfortable hotel suit, but he hadn't been able to fall asleep. Tossing and turning, turning the television on and off, he decided to go down to the hotel lobby.

He didn't expect anyone to be there, but a small figure curled up on the couch sipping tea and engrossed in a magazine caught his attention. Before he realized who it was, she looked up.

"I was starting to think you were avoiding me." She said with the quiet voice he had missed so much. He had forgotten that about her. Even when she was angry which was a lot of the time, her voice was quiet. A calmness which frightened him sometimes.

He didn't know how to respond. He was just standing there looking at her like she was some oddity.

Before he knew it she had wrapped her arms around him pulling him in a tight hug. His arms stayed by his side. It had been so long since someone chose to touch him by their own will, he simply forgot how to response. She must have felt his hesitation because she let go as quickly as she had pulled him into the embrace. Looking up at him she reached out and touched his cheek.

"I can't believe it's really you. I missed you." She said taking his hand guiding him to the couch.

He hadn't said a word. He just stared. He was glad she apparently knew how to handle this. Nevertheless he forced himself to come up with something to say.

"Supervisor?"

She looked away. Not meeting his eyes. She slowly exhaled before saying "Yes, who would have ever thought that it would ever happen." He didn't respond waiting for her to continue.

"Grissom got Sofia pregnant. They got married six months ago." The words quickly left her mouth, stumbling over each other.

He knew this would happen. He expected it, waited for it. It had only taken a couple of minutes before the conversation turned to Grissom.

"He must have thought she was worth the risk." He didn't know where the bitter tone in his voice came from. He didn't know why he suddenly felt the need to hurt her. If anything it gave him great satisfaction to know someone else was leading the night shift. The look in her eyes, the tone of her voice told him he wouldn't like the rest of the story she chose to omit.

Letting go of his hand, which she had kept between her own, she shifted her gaze. She could always count on Nick to make things difficult for her, to push her the way no one had ever done. The bitterness of his words had caught her by surprise, but what could she expect from him? To welcome her back in his life like nothing had happened?

She had known why he had left. She had seen it coming even when they were working separate shifts, but she hadn't done a thing. She had been too preoccupied with her own life, with her own needs, she totally forgot to be a friend to the person who never turned his back on her. She had felt guilty for months after his departure, but still she didn't do a thing. Because she was Sara, socially cripple Sara.

Her silence made him continue "And so you took his position."

Slowly she raised her head to look him in the eye. "It didn't quite go like that, although some may think it did and maybe part of me wanted to hurt him for doing this to me."

"Doing what to you?" He asked already afraid what the answer might be.

She didn't think he needed to know how Grissom had turned up on her doorstep the night before the wedding, telling her he loved her, that he wanted to be with her and that she could stop the wedding if she wanted to. He just needed to hear her say it. He needed one word from her mouth and he would call it off. She had been tempted, tempted to do it. Not out of love, because she had fallen out of love with him a long time ago. The string he had her on had broken many months ago. She was tempted to do it to give him a taste of his own medicine, stringing him along, playing with his emotions.

She had decided against it. Grissom marrying Sofia would end it all. It would mean a fresh start without doubts and lingering feelings which still appeared from time to time no matter how hard she tried to push them away. This was her chance to put a stop to it all and she had taken it. She had grasped the opportunity with both hands.

She had been forced to listen to the stories about the wedding. It had been the main topic of conversation many weeks afterwards. Some had said Grissom had never taken his eyes off the church door.

Grissom returned to work fairly quickly after the wedding. He returned with the announcement he was stepping down. He would only function in a advisory capacity from now on. No one needed to ask what his reasons were to do something so drastic, because he readily provided them with an answer: he wanted to be there for his first born. He had stared at her while saying this. She knew it was his attempt to punish her, to hurt her, but she had gotten so used to this behavior she just couldn't be bothered by it.

Ironically, Ecklie approached her for the position. She knew he had ulterior motives for doing so, but she also knew it was time for her to move up career wise, without hesitation she accepted the position.

Supervising the night shift hadn't been a disappointment. She worked closely with Catherine and Warrick who supervised the day and swing shift respectively. For the very first time during the existence of the LVPD the three different teams worked well together. So when one of the most important conferences of the year got planned during the Christmas holidays they didn't need to ask her if she wanted to go to represent the Las Vegas Crime Lab. It was not like she had anything else to do anyway.

Shaking her head as if to get rid of the memories invading her thoughts, she said "It doesn't matter. Not anymore. Life has been good."

His next words left his mouth before he got the chance to think them over and they got a reply even faster.

"I never knew you could be so vindictive."

"I never knew you would turn out to be so bitter."

He got up so abruptly, so quickly, she could just stare at him leaving her behind once again, but this time it would be different. This time he would have to deal with the new Sara. The Sara who had learnt a thing or two about relationships.

It didn't take her long to find out which hotel suit he was staying in. Without hesitating she knocked on his door impatiently waiting for him to open it. When he finally opened the door she quickly passed underneath his arm which would have undoubtedly slammed the door in her face if she would have waited politely for him to ask her in.

Once inside she noticed he wasn't wearing a shirt, which reminded her of the time she had walked in the locker room while he was changing. She had told him "he was just fine". As if reading her mind he told her "I already know _I'm just fine_." A blush made its way to her face. She hadn't realized she had been staring at him.

When he turned around to put on his shirt, his demeanor urged her to gather her courage and ask him the question occupying all her thoughts.

"Nicky, what happened? The way you took the news I took over Grissom's position you would almost think you were the one with a crush for years."

Hearing her call him by his nickname made him admit to her what he hadn't admitted to anyone, not even himself.

"You are closer to the truth than you can imagine. You moved on Sara and believe me I'm glad you could, but I couldn't, I can't. Sara, this is too much, I just can't handle being around you, feeling the way I do."

"Nick.... I... You..." A myriad of emotions were displayed on her face.

Nick could only do what he did best, he fled away the second time that night leaving behind a very distraught Sara. As soon as he left Sara started to laugh hysterically. The hysteric fits of laughter soon made place for loud sobs smothered by the pillow on the hotel bed where she had dropped herself. She couldn't believe it, she couldn't believe any of it.

Nick hadn't expected her to still be in his room when he returned two hours later, but there she was fast asleep on his bed. Knowing very well he was entering dangerous territory he still decided to sleep on the bed next to her, positioning himself as far away from her as he possibly could.

Somewhere during the early morning Sara woke up, slightly panicking as she felt an arm surrounding her waist. A small smile appeared on her face as she realized where she was and on whose chest her head was resting. Slowly she raised her head, studying his face, his long eye lashes, she wondered what her true feelings were, if she could ever love him.

She didn't know what possessed her when she dipped her face towards his and softly brushed her lips against his. The sensation running through her body answered all her questions. She didn't pull away immediately when his eyes fluttered open. Slowly she started to pull away. Searching his face she braced herself against his reaction.

"I thought you thought I was bitter?" He said a smile forming on his face.

"You never gave me the chance to let me find out you are bittersweet." She answered letting him pull her close once again.

**END**


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